"Merry Christmas"

"I'm Building A Robot"

As of 12/23/2019, inspired by the movie Short Circuit 2, I am building a robot the likes of which humankind has never seen. More to come.

"Hubert Selby Jr."

"My Dream"

I want to be conservative. I want to be financially stable. Fiscally prudent. When I joke about my 401k, I know I shouldn't. I like a few Coldplay songs, but I want them to be my favorite band. I'd like to go to J Crew and get a really nice pair of khakis. Maybe a button-down. I want to shop at the Gap more. I guess what I'm sayin' is, I want to be white and fit in with other white people. I like, I think, two Creed songs. What happened to them? What happened to me? That question echoes in my mind and I want to reach out for something Polo Ralph Lauren. Is a BMW in the cards for me? An expensive car, yes, but worth the investment. People will see me in it and think "that guys got a strong portfolio, his stocks are in order. He's taking advantage of the market. And what's that emanating from his BMW? A Coldplay song. Probably his favorite band."

"All This Time"

Bruce Springsteen track released posthumously, while he's still alive.

"Gerald"

Song is called "Gerald." Old-school, Beck-inspired rap song by Good-Time Corporate Pirate Rocket At Its Finest. Off the debut album, "Barista Jazz."

"This Guy Makes Me Wanna Quit Guitar"

"Livin' in a Tent"

Parody and strange tribute to Otis Redding's classic, "(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay." Lyrics: Livin' in a tent Cuz I can’t afford no rent Busted, broken-down, bent My brain, it is brain-dead

"Retirement Home" - Trailer

"Brain-Dead"

Inspired by many, but most notably, Mattias IA Eklundh.

"Theo Huxtable"

"Blood and Guts"

This is a classical guitar piece about disgusting "blood and guts" reporting. If it bleeds, it leads.

"Daniel Johnston"

"Nonsense Song"

"People Die"

"Party Time!"

Roger invited me to his friend's birthday party, but when I got to the house, I was in a huge empty parking lot. I thought: "Man, Roger's friend must be loaded, seeing that he has such a huge parking lot." Then I thought: "Scratch that, this must be his second parking lot, seeing how all the party-goers must of parked in the first parking lot, right next to the house." I didn't know where that first parking lot was, so I called Roger, but no answer; he was probably having too much fun at the party, with the laughter and music too loud to hear his phone.

Typical Roger.

Anyway, I saw some woods and started walking through them, figuring I'd see the lights of the house for sure. Well, there was a small river that I had to cross and it was colder, deeper, and had a much stronger current than expected, and I was carried off, drowning all the way. I was able to grab hold of a sturdy branch and worked my way out. I started to die from hypothermia and tore off all my clothes.

By the time I got to the highway, a cop pulled over. I asked if he was going to the party and he told me: "Sure, buddy, whatever party you want."

"Guided Meditation"

Relaxing guided meditation. Music by John Rafferty and Louis B. Middleton. Vocals by Linnea Sage. Illustrations by Beth Heinly.

"Drunk Rich Guy"

Somewhere, there's a drunk rich guy buying his way out of trouble. And what do we do?
We sit back and let it happen until . . .

"Be Yourself!"

"Junkie Blues"

Inspired by Allen and his song from the show "Intervention."

"The Mouse and the Maze"

For the science fair, when I was a boy, I did the mouse-trying-to-make-it-through-the-maze-to-find-a-piece-of-cheese experiment. But my mouse never could make it through the maze and I got last place; he couldn't find the cheese. I yelled at him, scolded him, and cursed his name. Then I went home and left him in the maze where he belonged.

The next morning, I woke up and the mouse had hanged himself to death at the end of the maze. He stood on the piece of cheese, using the string from the last place award around his neck, kicked away the cheese and hung there, dead.

That, and I came in last.

"Hendrix"

Tribute to "Little Wing" by Jimi Hendrix.

"I Eat All My Meals At The Bowling Alley, Alone"

"I Had A Panic Attack"

"This Is The Best Material I've Got Right Now"

Poor swimmer:

You can be a poor swimmer because you're bad at swimming, or because you're someone who swims and has no money.

I apologize.

"Love Is Stupid"

A pretty little ditty about the horror that is romantic love.

"Say It Ain't So, Evil Judge"

The Evil Judge has been kicked out of his apartment and is now squatting in this condemned mansion.

"Further Evil Judge Update!"

The small amount of evil judge roles have dried up and the Evil Judge has gone broke--even his tiny residuals have dried up, as well. He's in dire straits. He's trying to get any job he can find, but he doesn't have a background in anything/no previous work experience. Time is running thin.

"Evil Judge Update"

With all the reality shows out there, evil judge characters are not in demand. But checkout his new commercial. He spent basically his whole life savings on it. (If you like what you see and have another character in mind, he has no range and can only play an evil judge.)

"Children's Book Update!"

Drunk Rich Guy is turning into an emotional and logistical nightmare. Reality: I've only written and illustrated one children's book before and it didn't sell any copies--it was about a child who sues his parents for neglect. So now I have to find someone who can write and illustrate this one--plus, I'd like to include a song with the book, which isn't going to write itself. I may not have what it takes to make this juggernaut work. I also don't have any money. A grant for material like this that's so ahead of its time, probably won't happen. Crowd sourcing? I doubt people will cough it up for a genius, but seemingly idiotic adventure into the depths of stupidity.

Now I know what van Gogh felt. This is my "Sunflowers."

"Children's Book!"

I'm trying to write a children's book entitled Drunk Rich Guy. It's about a drunk rich guy, who always buys his way out of the disaster that results from his boozing. Finally, he messes with the wrong hombre and the dude kidnaps and then executes him. Oh, he also steals all the rich guys' money.

It's a metaphor for the redistribution of wealth in American society.

"A Place To Call My Own"

Delta blues song called "A Place To Call My Home" in the style of Mississippi John Hurt, Muddy Waters, John Lee Hooker, Howlin' Wolf, Sonny Boy Williamson, and Sonny Boy Williamson II. Dedicated to great blues players. R.L. Burnside, B.B. King, Stevie Ray Vaughn, and so many others.

"Coming to America"

I came to America with seven dollars in my pocket . . . and a million dollars in a briefcase.

"The Good Son"

My mom's favorite scene from a movie is in the The Good Son where the mother decides to drop Macaulay Culkin to his death.

"On the Prowl"

Originally, this song of mine, "On the Prowl," was supposed to come out like a Crying Steel song off their album, "On the Prowl." But it didn't.

"Maybe Tonight"

Sometimes you--you know who you are--go out and think you might meet someone. But you're goin' home alone tonight, ya sad bastard!

"She Voted for Nixon"

I just found out that my wife, the old battle-axe, voted for Richard Nixon, a lie she's been harboring for decades. This song is about the excruciating pain I now live in. Throw up your hands, people. I'm a goner.

"My Baby's Gone"

This song's about my wife, the old battle-axe, who left me for dead.

"Eddie Van Halen Tribute"

My best tribute to the guitar playing of Eddie Van Halen.

"Henry Rollins Jam"

Musical tribute to Henry Rollins. An inspiration. A man of many talents.

"The Black Diamond of Sorrow"

I've named my car the Black Diamond of Sorrow. 

Now let's work backwards: For a long time, I've thought it ridiculous, funny--but also fascinating--so many people's reactions to heavy metal, death metal, extreme metal--whatever metal!--that the claims that metal makes people killers, and if played backwards, the record told you to stab yourself and others in the neck with a fork, that it brought me to googling Satanism--let me repeat that for how absurd that is--googling Satanism, only to find they have a website and the religion is so idiotic and nice (they're all about being kind and diplomatic for the most part) that . . . well . . . What can you say?

Anyway, this is why I find it so interesting, funny, and stupid all at once. But without it, I'd be driving a black 2006 Nissan Sentra sedan. Not the Black Diamond of Sorrow.   

"Save The Date"

Hey everyone,

I'm going to be dying this coming Friday, the 24th, at 3 p.m. for supernatural reasons: I'm being dragged down to hell by Satan for insulting his church, whatever.

Anyway, please RSVP so I have a good number for Al, at the cemetery. (He'll be burying me; he's fat, fat, fat, but strong.) If you need to reach Al, call him at 610-FAT-GUY! and I think he's on instagram.

Rain date is 06/05/2019.

Sincerely,

Marc

"Saturday Night" (Kiss Cover)

Cover of the famous Kiss song "Saturday Night.

"Demon Child (Satanic Verse)"

"My Childhood"

The neighborhood kids and I would debate how injured you would get, if you jumped off my garage. A lot of good points were made, then we slowly made our paths out into life.

"Soothing Alarm Clock"

Soothing, peaceful sounds to wake up to.

"NYU Thesis Film"

I won every award, including worst film.

"Bowling Ball Tossed Into Washing Machine AND MORE!

"I Never Found Richard Pryor Funny"

"Dead Body"

If you come across a dead body, it's a good idea to poke it with a stick: it might not be fully dead.

"Lawn Care"

"John Is The Best"

"A Man Can Dream . . ."

If I had the money, I would take my beat-up black 2006 Nissan Sentra and have an artist paint a menacing white skull on the hood. Then I would have two red pentagrams on each side and DEATH! in cool white lettering on the back bumper.

A man can dream . . .

"Either Way"

"In College . . ."

In college, I majored in English and Communications, but I look back and my mom was right: I should have majored in death metal and partying.

"Eddie Van Halen Meets Midi Shred"

"Joke Book Theme Song"

"1,001 Jokes"

I tried to write one of those huge joke books, but I only came up with 39. Here they are!

Why was Dracula so sad after his divorce?
Because he got sucked dry!

What did the hammer say to the nail?
Nothing! Hammer's can't talk.

Why was the artist elephant always happy?
 Because it didn't matter if he only made peanuts; he was an elephant. He loved peanuts!

Whenever I'm around women, I feel like a magician—because I'm always making them disappear.

What did the dentist say to the dog?
 Let me see those canines.

What did the cow say to the person sitting who was sitting too close to him?
"Mooooooove over!"

Why was the drunkard looking forward to jail?
 Because he heard there were a lot of bars in prison!

What did the trash can do when it got angry?
 It flipped its lid!

Why didn’t the skeleton go swimming?
 He wanted to stay bone-dry!

Why did the mummy’s girlfriend dump him?
 He was too wrapped up in himself.

What was the couch’s reply when the chair asked him how life was going?
 Sofa, so good.

Your momma’s so dumb, she went to Sunday school on Monday!

What did the Mama fish say to her son, after his girlfriend broke up with him?
Don't worry, son, there's plenty of fish in the sea.

What did the waitress say to the skeleton as she prepared to take his order?
“Waiting long?”

What member of the animal kingdom is the most fun?
The party animal!

What’s a materialistic person’s favorite fish?
A goldfish.

Why did the clock play drums?
Because he was the best at keeping time.

What food likes to show off the most?
The hot dog.

Why was the kitten unhappy with everything he did?
Because he was a purrfectionist.

Why did the bank have washing machines?
Because they were laundering money!

Why did the dog decide not to buy the house?
It had a bad roof! roof!

Why did the burglar only steal lamps?
Because he didn’t wanna get more than a light sentence.

Why did the principal call the sheep’s parents?
Because their son was doing so baaaaaaad in school.

What did the cat say after he burped?
Pawdon me.

Where did the cat sell his unwanted things?
At the Paw shop.

Why do they call them horseshoe crabs?
They don’t have any horseshoes.

What did the track coach say to the dog that was running too slow?
Quit doggin’ it.

Why couldn’t the guy kill himself?
He was trying to write a suicide note, but got writer’s block.

Why did the veterinarian love it when it rained cats and dogs?
More business!

What’s the coldest country in the world?
Chile.

What kind of shark do you pay money to?
A loan shark.

What do you call it when a car smashes into another car and then drives away?
Bad carma.

What’s the easiest pet to take care of?
A pet rock!

What did the cello say when he saw his old friend, the violin?
Chello!

What did the skeleton say to his dinner guests?
Bone appetit!

Which dogs are the holiest?
St. Bernards!

How did the cat stay in shape?
Cat-a-sthenics.

What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep when he asked her out?
Wool you like to go on a date with me?

What’s an alcoholic’s favorite way to drive?
Booze control!

"New Bumble Dating Profile"

Just another acid casualty looking for love--and a place to stay. Play guitar in an unbearably unfocused psychedelic band. Consider following a Grateful Dead tour the greatest achievement of my life.

"TUXEDO AVE"

I'd like there to be a street called Tuxedo Ave, where a guy is standing there in a tuxedo, at all times. And everyone on the street, even babies, old people, and women, wear only tuxedos.

DARE TO DREAM!