"Black Friday"

Bought a pair of acid wash jeans and a mesh T-shirt. Only cost me 200 bucks. Nailed it!   

"Crime Is Up In Old Detroit"

So I've installed a new home security system: ED-209. 

He's indestructible. 

He cannot be defeated! 

(Just ask a guy named Kenny.) 

The only one who could ever beat him 

was Robocop, but Robocop's from a movie; 

he's not a real guy.  

"I've Been Losing Weight, But . . ."

 

I can't get rid of these

thunder thighs! 

What's a lad to do?!

"Today Is My Birthday"

Like the title says, today is my birthday and I'd thought I'd share my yearly birthday horoscope: 

With Venus in Mercury's retrograde, you'll experience unheard of lows and excruciating pain this year. In short, nothing -- nada -- will go right for you. Your health is terrible and shall only get worse -- you will begin to have to wear white athletic socks on your hands due to a sightly rash. 

You will not get any chicks.

Money: Big problems.   

All hell will rain down upon you. You will wish you were never born. 

"Always be the fountain, not the drain."

"The Genius of Brandon DiCamillo"

Buy his Cattle Bag DVD.