"This Is Sincerely What You Call Awesome"

I've been saying since day one this guy's a genius.

"I'm Dying from Insomnia"

My epitaph: Insomnia killed him. Maybe now he can get some sleep.

"Prison Advice"

If you go to jail, try to get your own cell. Because if you have a cell mate who snores, good luck getting any sleep.

"Death Threat Update"

Nothing happened for three days, and then yesterday, the dude jumped me--total wannabe psycho war vet--and I karate kicked him in the abdomen and tore out of his throat.

"Death Threat"

Dear Marc Farful,

I’m going to kill you. I don’t even know who you are--never have--but I’ve always hated the name Marc with a ‘c’ and a kid in school named Bobby Farful used to beat me half to the death, so I put the two names together and here we are. You’re probably asking yourself two questions: one, how am I gonna manage to avert this attack upon my life? And, two: Why not kill Bobby Farful? Seems like a real bastard. Well, Bobby Farful got hit by a train. I don’t know the details, but apparently trains kill human beings when they hit them--anyway, I was halfway to forgiving him, so I figured I go trolling for another Farful, and that, my sweet boy, is you. 

     I wish there was something more concrete driving me to kill--specifically, you--it would give me more purpose; I’d feel better about taking your life. I don’t know, maybe I’m lonely, bored, have nothing to do. I tried joining a runner’s club. Man, is that a horrible idea: All you do is get all out of breath and your muscles hurt. The only runner’s high I got was from the spliff I smoked on the way home!

     Someone else would be begging me to take a pottery class, diffuse that negative energy through art--Well, guess what! My coffee cup exploded in the kiln (not enough glazing on my part) just like my hatred has exploded for you! Besides, you seem like the kind of chap who’d take on a situation like this. As you read this letter, you’re thinking of ways to track me down, go toe-toe with me. Put a madman in his place. (If it is the case, that you’re some kind of military Navy SEAL expert, let’s forget the whole thing; I mean, I was just kind of kidding and you seem like a pretty good guy)--otherwise, I’m coming for you! It’s just you and me now, sport!  

        
Again, Nothing Really Personal,

Can’t Give My Name, It Would Ruin Everything

"Philosophy of Mike Tyson"

"Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth."