"Shark Attack"

"I Will Be Dead!"

"My Friend, Jeff"

I'm worried about my friend, Jeff: I write him all these great, funny messages online and he barely replies. I drove by his house and dumped garbage on his front lawn, but he didn't cheer up one bit. I'm going to light his garage on fire to try and drag him out of this desperate hole he's in. I'll drive my car through his fucking living room, if I have to! I'll do whatever it takes!!! I love you, Jeff!!! I'm coming for you, buddy!!!