"The Ballad of Jeff"

Jeff was on a Van Halen power trip. He thought he was David Lee Roth. The dude was out of control. Halfway through "Runnin' with the Devil," he was arrested in a Denny's for disturbing the peace. He rebounded with Jeffro Tull, a Jethro Tull tribute band consisting of himself and no one else.

Six months passed, Jeffless. He was presumed dead by the authorities. But then he was spotted working at a car wash in Delaware. That was a while ago.

Last I heard, he was hanging outside Radio Shacks, Friday and Saturday nights, just waitin' for something ta happen.

"Science"

Science is fundamental.  Science helped us go to the moon.  It also helped with the Grand Canyon and science.  Scientists wear lab coats so they don't get beer or chemicals on their shirt.

"Where Do They Come From?"

My friend Chris and I were once talking about the old guys at bars who wear Hawaiian shirts. They would almost always be so out of place and we started to wonder where these guys came from, and how you became one of them. I reasoned that it all began with being single well into your thirties, and then one night, you're at a bar, and you look down and you've got a Hawaiian shirt on -- even though you didn't come with one on -- maybe don't even own one. Then you go home and all your drawers and your closet are filled with Hawaiian shirts. The End.

"Janitor 2"

After the first movie, he needs to relax -- unwind -- so he goes out and lives in the woods. But when he finds out via letter that his commanding officer slash mentor has been taken hostage by Communists on a cruise ship, he has to sneak on board, pose as the janitor again, and rescue him -- and the rest of the ship. The first one's better.