"Me & Chuck D"

I was that seventeen-year-old white kid in the suburbs listening to Public Enemy and going, "I know exactly what you're talkin' about Chuck."

"The Story of the Old Tree"

With axe in hand, I looked nostagically at the old tree. "Old tree," I said, "I'm sorry, but I have to cut you down." "But why?" said the old tree -- wait a minute, how is this tree talking?

"In Search of Wisdom"

Six days ago, I entered the woods wearing nothing but a loincloth, in search of wisdom. On the third night, I had a dream in which a dog broke its leg. It cried out in pain. The dream startled and troubled me, and now awake and sitting up, breathing heavily, I had a vision of an old man yelling at me to get off his property. As he moved toward me, he tripped and broke his leg. And when he cried out in pain, it was the dog crying out in pain. In the glow of the campfire, their souls mingled and coalesced in a primitive dance.

"Words to Live By"

When I was training to be a dishwasher, my mentor had these adages of his: "Live Fast and Drink A Lot"; "Money's Money"; and "Marco?" until someone said "Polo," which he broke out only at his pool parties.

"An Old Friend"

To the right is a picture of my old pet shark, Danzig. He was the best: kids would come over from school to look at him, he used to bite the shit out of my friends (laugh). It was the best. He lived in this aquarium we had on the second floor and loved speed metal -- I'm talkin' loved it. Anyway, he half-ate this kid who feel in the tank and they blamed it on him -- total bullshit -- and they put him to death. But to the right, in the picture, he's still alive. Yeah, Danzig! Get at yo'self!