"Male Obesity in America"

Male obesity in America has reached a crisis.

"Fat Man in a Casket"

This song is about my fat friend, who died.

"My Wife's Dead"

Movie about my dead wife.

"Greatest Album Cover Ever"

"Definition of Awesome"

"My Dating Profile"

About Me:

I’m the owner of a small dog walking company called Civil Creatures. I’m a big outdoorsman, as well: biked cross country; done the Appalachian Trail; training for the Iditarod sled dog race--I use my customer’s dogs and have assembled a makeshift sled out of a hand truck, chicken wire, duct tape, Christmas lights, and two tiki torches.

I’m into tats: I have a Little Mermaid back piece; a portrait of Cher (inner left forearm); and LAWN CARE on my knuckles.

5’11. Some gray. The Billy Joel/Billy Idol of my generation. 

Hot Pics:

Beaches - Glory of Love

Electric guitar accompaniment to this great, memorable scene from "Beaches." Arrangement by John Rafferty and Mike Gallagher. Guitar playing and video editing by Shawn Christie.

"The Present-Day Old Man"

This world is no world for the old man. He has no place. He is not wanted. All of his old man hangouts have been burned down, including the arcade and the fire house. I see old men shackled to bike racks; I see old men forced to wear less-than-flattering clothes. It's apocalyptic. A bunch of old men looking for comradery and some harmless hijinks built a secret treehouse, only to beaten and skinned alive, Predator style.

Old men are getting no chicks: it seems old women have joined forces with the rest of society and cut them out--And if you think there's still some super-rich guy who's getting a young hot model type who's only using him for his money--yes, yes, that guy is still killin' it! But no one else is even spoken to.

So why this affront on old men? Well, for a while they walked around like they owned the place, and years before they did. And I don't think they cared if they acted like jerks to people--they cared about themselves, their bottom line.

Now certainly there were some cool, fun old dudes who were examples of goodness, but, sadly, they're getting lumped in with the bad apples.

What to do? Well, if these cool old dudes could kill the other lame old dudes, we'd have a start: Nothing is more powerful than a righteous old man ripping the still-beating heart out of a devious old dude. It's killer! But until that happens, all old men will have their heads on the chopping block. I'm sure, right now, there's a pleasant-as-a-peach old stallion hoping for a hot air balloon ride. He's bought his ticket, packed his lunch, and he's going to disappointment town.

"The Weather Channel"

"Jean-Claude Van Damme"

A tribute to the great Jean-Claude Van Damme. The man, the myth, the legend. 
Star of such films as Bloodsport, Double Team, Universal Soldier, Timecop, 
Lionheart, Kickboxer, and JCVD.

"Michael Dudikoff Action Film"

A song I wrote for Michael Dudikoff, star of the American Ninja movies and many other classics. 
I loved this guy's action movies when I was a kid and still do to this day.

"New LinkedIn Profile Pic"

This is indicative of my childhood: Born into a raging inferno of pain.

"Problem Child 2"

The best scene! (By the way, both films are one-of-a-kind gems.)