Q: Is Inglewood really always up to no good?
A: No.
Q: How can you avoid getting caught up in the rap game?
A: Keep it real.
Q: Is it ever good form to be “straight trippin’”?
A: Rarely, and you have to be extremely charming to pull it off.
Q: I’m thinking about getting hydraulics on my mom’s mini-van. Good idea? Bad idea?
A: Bad idea.
Q: Is the line “you better chiggity check yourself before you wriggity wreck yourself” still a good line to use, or is it played out?
A: Some will hate on this line nowadays, while others won’t. It’s a crapshoot, Mary Poppins.
Q: If two loced out g’s goin’ crazy step to you and try and start some static, what’s the best way to handle that particular situation? And can we game play it from a situation where I’m packing and one where I’m not strapped?
A: More than anything, you have to think about your street cred here. Now if you’re packing heat, pull out your strap and lay them bustas down. However, if you’re not, front like you are and hope for the best. Maybe you can get out of there before the jackers jack.
Q: Do you really never get to lay back because you always haf to worry about the payback from some buck that you roughed up way back?
A: Yes. It’s exhausting, but you do.
Q: Technically speaking, how many people constitute a “posse”? And while we’re on the subject, what’s the difference between a “posse” and a “gang”? And lastly, is rolling eight deep enough? Or should one always roll at least nine deep?
A: There really are no hard-and-fast rules. Although, posse’s, traditionally, are smaller and have been known to ride on horses (like in the old West) at times—which is something I don’t think a gang has ever (or will ever) do. And eight deep is good, depth-wise. Yet the more, the better, usually. HOWEVER, please, don’t make the mistake of letting some really annoying guy in just to get your numbers up because, trust me, he will ruin it for everyone else.
Q: Where can I get some of that New Jack Flavor? New York, right?
A: Right. Also, Ice-T has a ton.
Q: How do I know if a song is “my jam”?
A: Don’t think about it. Just let it happen. (By the way, Craig Morrison’s “Return of the Mack” and Montell Jordan’s “This Is How We Do It” are already taken. Sorry.)
Q: Did the people in the Midwest feel left out of the whole East coast-West coast thing?
A: No. Not really.
Q: Is there a good how-to (like maybe an Idiot’s Guide or something) on how to spit fire when up on the mic?
A: There are a few good titles out right now. Try your local Borders or Barnes & Noble.
Q: If you have the most juice on your block, you should just be rollin’ on people. Right?
A: Yes! Drop the hammer on those fools, my friend.
Q: Yesterday, while driving to work, this guy in a Toyota Camry cut me off. Should I bust a cap in him? Or is that too much? Should I just jack him up?
A: He cut you off! Ice that chump. What, what? Jigga, jigga.
Q: I tried to regulate for the first time a few weeks ago, and it did not go well to say the least. Should I keep this on the down-low and then try again? Or should I pack it in and give up?
A: Keep trying, for Pete’s sake. Practice makes perfect. Do you think Nate Dogg regulated on his first try? I know him. He didn’t.
Q: Flossin. What exactly is that?
A: If you have to ask, you’ll never know.
Q: After I form a posse, how will I know when it’s in full effect?
A: Don’t worry. It’s like meeting the right guy or girl: You’ll just know.
Q: What’s a cool line to use after I drop someone?
A: I usually use Kool Mo Dee’s line: “How ya like me now?”
Q: I wanna start rockin’ some serious Bling-bling. I wanna be wearing so much ice that people next to me catch cold! The only problem is that I don’t have any and don’t have any money. My mom has jewelry. Should I just wear that?
A: If you’re in the market for a serious beat down, then, yes, by all means, do so.
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