"Philosophy of Farful"

In order to live a happy and meaningful life, one must distinguish between what is chicken soup for the soul, and what is chicken soup for the bowl. They're both nourishing in their own way, and they both, conceivably, could fit into a bowl. But only one belongs in a bowl.

"Janitor 7: Let's Rock!"

Movie begins with a majestic shot of of the janitor on the beach looking out upon the ocean. Then he leaves his fighting-bad-guys days behind; he just can't do it anymore: "I've seen too much blood that isn't mine," he says. From there, he starts a hardcore punk band called Street Knife and they eventually go nowhere and fizzle out -- and it's at this point that we find out that the whole forming-a-band thing was just a ploy to infiltrate the punk rock underground. Why? you ask. Becuz the head crime lord of the underground punk scene is the illegitimate son of the head drug dealer from Janitor 1, and the guy also made some disparaging remarks about his commanding officer slash mentor, whom he saved in Janitor 2. And he left the military becuz this guy he's trying to take down is a real bastard, and he's not playing by anyone's rules but his own. The film's really an example of how, when you run out of new ideas, you can combine some of your old ones and come up with something that sucks.

"Something To Think About"

Lee Iacocca, former president of Ford Motor Company and former president, CEO, and chairman of the Chrysler Corporation, once wrote in his song “The Best That Money Can’t Buy,” off his 1994 rap record, “Uncle Lee Gets Ill”:

I made a lot a money sellin’ cars/
Jumped behind the wheel and it took me very far/
But success isn’t measured in dollar billz/
Although sometimes it is, so I still got the skillz.

"The Battle of Fort Lauderdale"

The Battle of Fort Lauderdale was a crucial turning point in the Civil War. As it happened, the Confederate soldiers exchanged their muskets for what turned out to be a barrel of pyrite, a.k.a. fool's gold, and musketless, were decimated by the Union forces.

After winning the battle, and also thinking they'd stumbled across a fortune of gold, the Union soldiers partied on the beach like a group of wild teenagers. Of course it was early winter and it was suggested by the Corporal that they come back in the spring, for a break, after the war was over. This is where the term "spring break" comes from and how Fort. Lauderdale got its reputation as party central!

"An Unforgettable Scene from Janitor 2"

The bad guys have all the hostages lined up for the daily head count. The head bad guy, a real mean-looking guy with an eye patch, gets to the janitor. "Look at you," he says with disgust, "a janitor. You make things clean after other people dirty them up. I oughta kill you right now on principle." "Just as long as I don't have to clean up the mess." Head bad guy laughs. "I like you, janitor, but like everyone else on this boat . . . you're gonna die."

"Janitor 3.14 Repeating"

A close-up still shot of the janitor's face -- that's it. The movie has a beginning, but no middle and no end; it goes on forever, like pie. It's the never-ending movie and sequel in one.

"Interview with Ben Franklin"

The following interview was conducted by phone and translated verbatim.

BF: Hello?
M: Dude, what's up? It's Marc.
BF: Yes, I've been expecting your call.
M: So off the bat, last time I saw you was like two months ago in L.A. at that Mexican bar, and you all sorts of popular. What have you been up to since?
BF: Actually, I've been kind of bummed-out.
M: How come?
BF: Dude, I feel like a has-been.
M: A has-been? Why?
BF: Everywhere I go, I see cell phones. This very interview is being conducted via cell phone.
M: I'm missing the point.
BF: Who do you think invented the telephone?
M: I think the technology was developed during World War II.
BF: Alexander Graham Bell.
M: I thought he invented the piano -- yo, remeber in school how there was that big debate over whether the piano belonged to the percussion or string family, and like it got put in percussion, even though just didn't feel right?
BF: Stop talking.
M: Okay.
(Long pause)
BF: I'm saying I feel like Bell has outdone me.
M: That's nonsense. Who invented electricity? You did! And what do phones run on? E-lec-tric-it-e.
BF: Yeah, I guess you're right.
M: Feel better?
BF: Yeah, I do. Thanks, Marc.
M: Good talkin' to ya, Ben Franklin.
BF: Later.
M: Later.