"My Time In Prison"

     One day, I killed a guy. He was really mean and I killed him karate-style, so I thought everyone would be happy, but instead they said that that kind of killing was illegal. And so, away we went to my trial. My lawyer was bald and did a great job illustrating what a jerk the guy I killed was. He even let me demonstrate to the jury how I killed him karate-style -- how impressive it is -- yet, in the end, the jury felt I had crossed some line by killing the guy, karate-style or not.  

     

     Next stop: The clink.

     

     I wasn’t really worried because my friend, Steve Koser, had told me it was a pretty good time. Some of the guys were cool, but a few others took advantage of the fact that I was a “fresh fish,” as they put it, and told me to act out so I could get put in the hole, the best part of the prison. For future people going to jail, the hole sucks. It’s not even a hole; it’s actually just a disgusting room with no sunlight. It smells, too. Lesson learned.

     

     Slowly, I got the hang of things, which is really just sitting in a cell. Then, miraculously, I won my appeal based on a technicality. My bald lawyer had really done it. I owe him a lot -- I also owe him a lot of money and he’s quite insistent on getting it from me; I’m probably gonna stiff him on that. I mean, how much did he really do? Get a job, ya bum! Then maybe you’ll make some money.

     

     As for me, I feel like the experience pretty much sucked. I didn’t like the food or the selection of board games. I’d give it 2 1/2 stars out 5. 

     

     That was my time in prison.