"Dear Katherine"

     I’m reaching out to you because I’m in great need of some emotional and spiritual support. I’ve spent the last five days in a women’s correctional facility. A tragic mix-up. “Clerical error,” as they put it, falls very short, I can tell you, as a description. Those women mistook my kindness for weakness and all I can say is that they’ve got a lot of growing up to do -- Ridiculous, just ridiculous! their behavior. Way out of line! Way out of line!
     Now that I’m out, a free man, I’m not sure what my next move should be. The counselor in the lady jail said I was best suited for for selling shoes or parachuting; I’m leaning towards both.
     The psychological (and physical, but I’d rather not talk about it now) scars I’ve sustained via jail bird vixens have left me shaken, as I’ve mentioned. But I’m also having trouble adjusting to life on the outside: So much has changed. I feel as though the world has turned and left me here, shipwrecked, confused, and alone. Are you still in the ACESJU program? You’ve probably moved back to Bethesda by now. I imagine you’re married and raising a family. I tried calling your cell phone number, but it went to the voicemail of a plumbing supply store. Everything’s so different: There’s all this technology and huge TVs. It’s overwhelming. I hope you still check this email address. I really need help. Can you help me? I’m a ship arriving too late to save a drowning witch.

Your old friend,

 Marc Farful