"My Dream Woman"

My dream woman is a complicated and dangerous individual—somewhere between good clean fun and a bad haircut. My dream woman smells like chlorine, is unpredictably violent, a lover of the arts, and an avid badminton player. She also speaks Chinese. My dream woman fancies herself an intellectual, but in all actuality despises herself and the knowledge that possesses her. She has no table manners to speak of and is crude and uncouth almost on purpose. My dream woman fears gingerbread. In my mind’s eye, my dream woman will be the undoing of me. She will set fire to all my institutions. She will laugh and watch daytime television as she scorches the landscape of my soul. Such is my dream woman.