"Rachmaninov: Prelude in C-sharp minor, Op. 3, No. 2"

I played this classical piano piece for this woman's YouTube channel. I think I hit the dynamics especially well. Check it out. And thank you to my piano teacher, Dave Driscoll, for helping me spread my wings on the instrument. You're the best, Dave!

"Friends" by Ween"

I've always loved this song. Such genius. I wish I could write a song like it!

"The Dream Academy"

I'm opening a school for dreamers called: "The Dream Academy." The only cost for tuition is one's imagination. It is here that I, and my acolytes, will form our band, Dreamweaver, and release our masterpiece, "The Labyrinth." 

"The Labyrinth" will be -- not only a double album -- but also a concept album, and ultimately, a metaphor for all of life.

Christopher "Chris" "Primo" Primavera, a.k.a "Father Time," will be the Dean of Spiritual Enlightenment. And his wife, "Mother Nature," will teach the students of bugs and animals and the vast majesty that is our environment. The eternal landscape. 

There will be no classes; rather, Father Time will facilitate happenings of peace. We will also are wear white robes and answer only to Truth. 

"Sign of a True Asshole"

What kind of an asshole puts this on his spare tire?

"I Heard It Through the Lunch Line" -- Marvin Gaye Parody"

"The Skeleton Song (Official Music Video) by Skeleton"

"A Carrot Is As Close As A Rabbit Gets To A Diamond (2006 Digital Remaster) by Captain Beefheart"

One of Beefheart and company's best instrumentals.

"Charles Berthoud - Beautiful Nightmare (Official Music Video)"

I love how this guy is creating such beautiful music with the bass as the main instrument.

"Getting Serious"

A friend of mine, who reads this blog, suggested I write a serious story, instead of comedy, so I came up with this:

There's a middle-aged man, with advanced kidney disease, who eats lunch at the same restaurant every day, all alone, and never really speaks to anyone there. 

Then, one day he dies from kidney failure. He obviously never comes into the restaurant again and no one cares. I think it's kind of a bildungsroman, a coming of age story. 

"St. Patrick's Day!"

Well, it's St. Patrick's Day. 

I went to this sports bar/restaurant where I eat lunch, literally, every single day, and people were already getting sauced before noon. I had the urge to ask the woman who serves me lunch every day: "Why are there so many people here? Why is everyone wearing green" real innocent and confused, as if I had no idea what St. Patrick's Day is, but it just seemed mean, so I didn't.

What a bunch of no-good drunks! God hate 'em! 

"I Like My Coffee With a Side of Laughs" by Jacy Catlin"

Just more genius.

"March Madness?"

Why do they call it March Madness? Why don't they call it March Basketball Fun? One, March Basketball Fun sounds better, and it's less frightening to me -- and the Midwest, America's heartland. It's more wholesome.  

"New Dating Profile -- Update!"

 

I snagged a date! Well, drinks with this woman who had one of those bull ring nose piercings and a bunch of face tattoos -- she kind of looked like a female Post Malone, but heinous. Totally heinous.

Anyway, the date was going pretty well and she presented me with this small pentagram painting (pictured left), which I guess she just brought with her, if things got hot and heavy. (As a woman in this modern era, you gotta be prepared to seal the deal with a pentagram painting.) 

She invited me back to her "layer," as she put it. And I said yes and started following her there in my car and then ditched her and got some late-night ice cream. She probably would have sacrificed me to the Dark Lord, but it was still a date and I got a pentagram painting, ice cream, and lived. Complete success!    

"Voices from Within" by Pestilence"

A great, influential progressive death metal track, off the album, "Spheres."

"New Dating Profile"

Prone to nosebleeds, a criminal mind . . . 

Time magazine's most dangerous person of the year, 1997.

No smokers, pets, or Trumpers.

"The Idea of Fires" by Preston School of Industry"

"Falling Away" by Preston School of Industry"

"Money Problems"

I lent my 10-year-old nephew a thousand dollars, so he could buy a new video game system and a bunch of games. But now he won't pay me back, like he promised he would. "Tough shit, asshole," is all he says.

My therapist said to fight him for the money, but he'd straight whip the tar out of me, and everybody know it.

Sadly, this isn't the first time this has happened.

 

"On Cooking"

I hate cooking -- but if I like the food -- I'll eat it.

Think about that.  

"Teacher Evaluation"

In college, I was forced to take two semesters of science in order to graduate. They had this science class for liberal arts majors called "Great Ideas For Physics." As it turned out, I had no great ideas for physics, and although I did pretty well the first semester, my life then completely hit the skids and I didn't do as well the second semester and almost failed the class. But I digress . . .

The best part of the class -- not including how I almost failed it and how I had my lab partner do all the labs because I had no idea what was going on -- was when it came time for the teacher evaluation. I actually liked the professor, and still remember him to this day -- let's call him Professor Smith, for anonymity's sake. But, in a moment of feeling a little cheeky -- call it a flight of fancy, a flight of whimsy, if you will -- I wrote the following evaluation:

"Professor Smith is the slave master, and I am the all too willing slave." 

Truly the words of a young man who had no great ideas for Physics, and perhaps few great ideas for anything at all.