"Jazz (As An Actual Jazz Song)"

"Toothbrush"

I think I'm using my Oral-B electric toothbrush incorrectly. That's all for now.

"Great Latin Class Moments"

Sophomore year. Latin class. People had been forgetting their books . . . A student, let's call him "Brian," -- the nicest, most assuming kid you''ll ever meet -- gets called on to translate. 

Silence.

Brian, slowly, fearful: "I forgot my book."

The teacher sighs, quietly furious. He heads over to his desk (where there's a stack of books), and as he does, Brian gets up, making his way to meet the teacher halfway, when -- BAM! the teacher, without turning around, flings an extra book into Brian's face, who's now only a few feet behind him. 

Everyone is horrified -- plus, that can't be good for the teacher's career -- while, Brian, holding his face, stumbles about searching for the book, then falls to the ground.

He 

"43 Minute Air Drumming Workout with Andrew W.K."

"BOOM!"

When I was eighteen, I was out walking, wearing this white T-shirt that read in large black lettering: I BEAT MIKE TYSON'S PUNCH OUT. A kid coming the other way stopped and said: Hey, I beat that game." I smiled. "Didn't make a shirt, though."

BOOM! He kept going, leaving me there lit up up like a Christmas tree.

"Yngwie Malmsteen Guitar Tribute"

"Sierra Hull - 40oz (Polyphia Cover)"

"Fixing My Car"

"The Secret to a Good Haircut"

 Sometimes the secret to a good haircut is just letting the hair stylist do their thing. 

"Unhinged - Elyse Myers (aka “Maybe”) [Unofficial Collab]"

"Black Walls" by Pavement"

"Dismemberment"

Look six posts down. I made the dream happen. 

"Found My Sock!"

 I found my sock! (Might need to see previous blog below.)

"I Had It All"

I had it all . . . then I lost a sock and now life's completely fucked.  

"The Breeders - Divine Hammer (Official Video)"

"Half Japanese - I'll Change My Style"

"C.C. Deville Guitar Tribute"

"Dismemberment"

There's a metal band called Dismemberment, but it was a big let down to find out that they don't have an album -- let alone a song -- called R.I.P., which stands for Rest In Pieces.  

"History of Mime Crime"

"Jad Fair & Daniel Johnston - It's Spooky Promo"

I think this is my favorite promo ever for an album!

"Jean-Michel Basquiat"

"Pavement - Shady Lane (Official Video)"

"Everybody needs a shady lane."

"Pavement - Range Life (Official Video)"

Life on the road with Pavement. Great tune.

"Pavement - Stereo (Official Video)"

One of their best songs and music videos.

"Pavement - Gold Soundz (Official Video)"

Pavement makes the best music videos.

"Pavement - Cut Your Hair (Official Video)"

This is legendary. 

"Composer Reacts to Kenny G"

"Don't Play With Me Part 2 - Full Movie"

This is blowing my mind. It has to be experienced. That's all I can say.

"Haven't Got a Clue (Remastered Version)" by Dramarama"

"Bradley Hall | Hangover (Official Playthrough)"

"I Can't Wait To Get Back Home"

"Dare to Dream"

You can't spell the word "impossible" without the word "possible." Dare to dream! 

"Keep the Edge"

"My Thoughts On Einstein"

 The debate is over!!! Einstein was a genius.

"Good Lookin' Woman" by The KMX Band"

"My Thoughts on The Greg Khin Band"

The Greg Khin Band has an album called "Khinspiracy." Genius!  

"Head In The Ceiling Fan" by Title Fight (GUITAR COVER)"

Great cover. Check it out!

"Head In The Ceiling Fan" by Title Fight"

What a great video! What a great song! All the fancy, expensive video cameras in the world can't replicate this feel, this truth of experience. 

"Dreams I've Seen" by Joey Jenkins"

I'm all about this guy's playing. Watch and subscribe!

"Shred of the Day" by Lawrence Wallace"

"Storm Shadow"

"Rachmaninov: Prelude in C-sharp minor, Op. 3, No. 2"

I played this classical piano piece for this woman's YouTube channel. I think I hit the dynamics especially well. Check it out. And thank you to my piano teacher, Dave Driscoll, for helping me spread my wings on the instrument. You're the best, Dave!

"Friends" by Ween"

I've always loved this song. Such genius. I wish I could write a song like it!

"The Dream Academy"

I'm opening a school for dreamers called: "The Dream Academy." The only cost for tuition is one's imagination. It is here that I, and my acolytes, will form our band, Dreamweaver, and release our masterpiece, "The Labyrinth." 

"The Labyrinth" will be -- not only a double album -- but also a concept album, and ultimately, a metaphor for all of life.

Christopher "Chris" "Primo" Primavera, a.k.a "Father Time," will be the Dean of Spiritual Enlightenment. And his wife, "Mother Nature," will teach the students of bugs and animals and the vast majesty that is our environment. The eternal landscape. 

There will be no classes; rather, Father Time will facilitate happenings of peace. We will also are wear white robes and answer only to Truth. 

"Sign of a True Asshole"

What kind of an asshole puts this on his spare tire?

"I Heard It Through the Lunch Line" -- Marvin Gaye Parody"

"The Skeleton Song (Official Music Video) by Skeleton"

"A Carrot Is As Close As A Rabbit Gets To A Diamond (2006 Digital Remaster) by Captain Beefheart"

One of Beefheart and company's best instrumentals.

"Charles Berthoud - Beautiful Nightmare (Official Music Video)"

I love how this guy is creating such beautiful music with the bass as the main instrument.

"Getting Serious"

A friend of mine, who reads this blog, suggested I write a serious story, instead of comedy, so I came up with this:

There's a middle-aged man, with advanced kidney disease, who eats lunch at the same restaurant every day, all alone, and never really speaks to anyone there. 

Then, one day he dies from kidney failure. He obviously never comes into the restaurant again and no one cares. I think it's kind of a bildungsroman, a coming of age story. 

"St. Patrick's Day!"

Well, it's St. Patrick's Day. 

I went to this sports bar/restaurant where I eat lunch, literally, every single day, and people were already getting sauced before noon. I had the urge to ask the woman who serves me lunch every day: "Why are there so many people here? Why is everyone wearing green" real innocent and confused, as if I had no idea what St. Patrick's Day is, but it just seemed mean, so I didn't.

What a bunch of no-good drunks! God hate 'em! 

"I Like My Coffee With a Side of Laughs" by Jacy Catlin"

Just more genius.

"March Madness?"

Why do they call it March Madness? Why don't they call it March Basketball Fun? One, March Basketball Fun sounds better, and it's less frightening to me -- and the Midwest, America's heartland. It's more wholesome.  

"New Dating Profile -- Update!"

 

I snagged a date! Well, drinks with this woman who had one of those bull ring nose piercings and a bunch of face tattoos -- she kind of looked like a female Post Malone, but heinous. Totally heinous.

Anyway, the date was going pretty well and she presented me with this small pentagram painting (pictured left), which I guess she just brought with her, if things got hot and heavy. (As a woman in this modern era, you gotta be prepared to seal the deal with a pentagram painting.) 

She invited me back to her "layer," as she put it. And I said yes and started following her there in my car and then ditched her and got some late-night ice cream. She probably would have sacrificed me to the Dark Lord, but it was still a date and I got a pentagram painting, ice cream, and lived. Complete success!    

"Voices from Within" by Pestilence"

A great, influential progressive death metal track, off the album, "Spheres."

"New Dating Profile"

Prone to nosebleeds, a criminal mind . . . 

Time magazine's most dangerous person of the year, 1997.

No smokers, pets, or Trumpers.

"The Idea of Fires" by Preston School of Industry"

"Falling Away" by Preston School of Industry"

"Money Problems"

I lent my 10-year-old nephew a thousand dollars, so he could buy a new video game system and a bunch of games. But now he won't pay me back, like he promised he would. "Tough shit, asshole," is all he says.

My therapist said to fight him for the money, but he'd straight whip the tar out of me, and everybody know it.

Sadly, this isn't the first time this has happened.

 

"On Cooking"

I hate cooking -- but if I like the food -- I'll eat it.

Think about that.  

"Teacher Evaluation"

In college, I was forced to take two semesters of science in order to graduate. They had this science class for liberal arts majors called "Great Ideas For Physics." As it turned out, I had no great ideas for physics, and although I did pretty well the first semester, my life then completely hit the skids and I didn't do as well the second semester and almost failed the class. But I digress . . .

The best part of the class -- not including how I almost failed it and how I had my lab partner do all the labs because I had no idea what was going on -- was when it came time for the teacher evaluation. I actually liked the professor, and still remember him to this day -- let's call him Professor Smith, for anonymity's sake. But, in a moment of feeling a little cheeky -- call it a flight of fancy, a flight of whimsy, if you will -- I wrote the following evaluation:

"Professor Smith is the slave master, and I am the all too willing slave." 

Truly the words of a young man who had no great ideas for Physics, and perhaps few great ideas for anything at all.   

"Business School?"

There's an idea, a vague possibility, that I may try to make an old-school rap song a la LL Cool J's "I Need A Beat" called "Business School." It would be the story of someone going to business school and then whatever happens to them there. 

I picture it as the kind of theme song to one of those screwball 80s movies like "Ski School." A song about a movie that doesn't exist. And, yes, I do need to get a life. And a girlfriend. This is really bad. It's all gotten really bad . . .  

"Pat Keegan Plays "It's Hard to See a Future" by Mick O'Brien"

This is my new favorite song. I love it. 

Pat Keegan_ · it's hard to see a future(By Mick O'Brien)

"More Adulting"

I just got a discount card for a major pharmacy. I'll be saving all sorts of 8 cents on things! 

"The Insomnia Song" (Official Music Video)"

"Ode To Urkel (Did I Do That? In D Minor)"

"When People Ask Me What It Was Like Being In The KMX Band"

This pretty much sumps it up.

"Cindy Crawford Break-Up Song"

"Aetna Goes Too Far"

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! If you're like me, you're especially sad and all alone today -- Anyway, as you all know, six days ago Aetna, my health care provider, sent me a complimentary thermometer, a pack of twenty-four sugar-free honey lemon flavored cough suppressants, and a tube of chapstick -- and they really made my day! However, today they not only called for the second time about some stupid survey, but they sent me another complimentary thermometer, twenty-four more sugar-free honey lemon flavored cough suppressants, and another tube of chapstick.

Now it's all just incredibly annoying and aggravating. Aetna has gone loco. They've crossed the line, gone too far, and ruined my day. 

"You Have A Voice (Demo)" by Johnny and the Raindrops"

I just love this song.

 

Johnny and the Raindrops · You have a voice (Demo)

"Aetna Healthcare!"

Today, Aetna, my heath care provider, sent me a complimentary thermometer, twenty-four sugar-free honey lemon flavored cough suppressants, and a tube of chapstick. Everyone else severely let me down today -- but Aetna came through in the clutch! 

Go Aetna!   

"Life Hack #1"

This friend of mine was talking to me about how he washes his clothes? 

But I gave it a try and it turns out it's much more convenient and cost-effective than wearing a pair of clothes only once, then having to throw them away, and buy new ones -- constantly!

Great life hack!  

"Lending A Helping Hand"

My mom has a bad flu, so while she's laid up, I've been checking in on her and helping her out. 

Today, I was out buying groceries for her, and as I exited the supermarket, there was a young gentlemen, a high school student, who was trying to raise money for college. I gave him five dollars out of the money my mom had given me for her groceries and he thanked me for it. 

You see, helping your mom out when she's sick, giving a kid a chance at college -- these are ways we can all lend a helping hand.

And when my mom gets healthy and that kid graduates college, they'll have me to thank, and those two little things will be enough of a reward for me.  

"Hayden - Bad As They Seem" (Official Video)"

I love this song so much. One of the greatest songs ever written, off one of the greatest albums ever made. I've been listening to it for 23 years. The music video is also the greatest, too.

"It's Called Growing Up, And Also Not Getting A Discount"

So, I used the discount card I signed up for and wrote about in my last blog post -- and I got nothing! I didn't save a dime! 

None of the grocery items I purchased qualified for a discount! How many exclamation points can I use in this one post!

I guess it's all about being patient, bidding one's time. That's the real adult thing to do, here. Eventually, this discount card is gonna start saving me money, and then I'll be the one laughing -- not to the bank or anything: the discounts are apparently miniscule.  

"It's Called Growing Up"

Today, I signed up for a discount card at my local supermarket; it's effective immediately. 

It's called being fiscally responsible.

They gave me a card and this little thing I can put on the chain of my car keys. I've got too many cards in my wallet, so I just threw away the normal-size card and I'll be going with the thing on my car keys -- It doesn't even matter: they can look me up by my phone number if I lose the thing on my car keys. So I'm covered.  

"Moist Towelettes -- Wave of the Future"

This restaurant gives me moist towelette packets with my meals, and they're great -- I'm using them for all kinds of hygienic purposes! I'm saving tons of money on soap and shampoo and deodorant and the doctor says the rash isn't that bad. 

"I Mussed My Pants -- The Conclusion"

Well, the dry cleaners didn't get the stain out completely, but they got it out enough. 

The pants are wearable. 

I'll always see that stain, but no one else will. 

I did my best -- we, the cleaners and I -- did our best. And sometimes in life, that's the best you can do; that's all you can do.

I went the distance, mama. I can live with that. I can wear those pants. 

"Sports Bar"

I went to a sports bar this evening to get dinner (a delicious hamburger and Coca-Cola), and I was sitting at the bar, when I noticed this guy flossing after his meal. Yes, he was flossing at the bar after his meal. I didn't know before, but I certainly know less now. Good Lord!   

"I Mussed My Pants -- Update #2"

I'm getting the pants back Saturday at 3 p.m., two days from now. The anxiety, laced with excitement, is killing me. 

"I Mussed My Pants -- Update"

My pants are now at the dry cleaners. When I took them in, the dry cleaning lady did not seem to be very invested in getting the stain out; she just kind of said she'd do her best in an unenthusiastic way. I don't have much confidence that this is going to work out.  

"I Mussed My Pants"

I got a stain on my pants (sweat pants) and I can't get it out.

It's a very noticeable stain, otherwise, I wouldn't care.

But now I'm gonna have to take them to the dry cleaners and waste a very small amount of money trying to save them. It's already ruined my day and, probably, my entire life.

I hate clothes. I essentially wear the same basic inexpensive clothes every day, but I used to wear the exact same clothes -- the same outfit (there was only one) -- every day. I did this for two years straight, and I barely ever washed the clothes, too. It was fantastic! (I'm dead serious.) It was total freedom! I took a lot of heat for living like that, but I didn't care. Now people's comments about such matters affect me a lot more: I've lost my edge. 

I really miss those days. I had so much more confidence. I was a total animal. But now . . . 

So here I am, a coward worrying about his sweat pants. PATHETIC! 

It's like what Cougar says in "Top Gun" when he hands in his wings: "I'm holding on too tight. I've lost the edge. I'm sorry, sir. I'm sorry."    

"I Will Love You" by David Myles"

What a perfect song.

"Turn Time Off" by David Myles"

This song is the best. David Myles is great.

"My Smooth Jazz Album"

A smooth jazz album I made. Full album playlist.

"Lesson Learned"

Today I wore nothing but a leotard around. The cops and I agreed it was a bad idea.

"Beavis & Butthead Script: The Guitar Shredders"

This is a killer shred guitar instrumental! 

"Blues Saraceno Tribute"

"Good Time Corporate Pirate Rock At Its Finest -- "Fake Beard/Real Plane?""

This is an album I made for the pure joy of it, forever ago. Recorded on everything from a hand-held tape recorder to a digital 8-track. This thing is all over the place and I love it -- warts and all.

"Playing METAL bass with a WHAMMY BAR sounds HEAVY"

This bass playing is insanely awesome!

"Sprots" by Jacy Catlin"

Jacy Catlin · Sprots

"Michael Vick" by Jacy Catlin"

Jacy Catlin · Michael Vick

"I finally found my first EVER bass after 15 YEARS"

Some more Charles Berthoud. The two-hand tapping and composition are incredible!

"When a BASSIST slaps a guitar"

A whole new world of possibilities. Charles Berthoud, kids.

"Good Morning, Captain"

This is a special song.

"Never Look Back" by Blues Saraceno -- Guitar Cover by Matt Gregory"

Amazing cover. I love guitar playing like this!