"White Guilt"

"In That Room"

"Did You Know?"

It was Colonel Sanders military training that allowed him to make such tasty fried chicken.

"My Heart Has Lost Its Compass"

"Friday Nights"

On Friday nights, when no one wants anything to do with me, I'll go out and rob senior citizens. "Don't be a hero, old man!"

"A Very Angry Letter"

"Powder Room"

"On Getting Dumped"

Getting dumped is never easy. But if a girl was gonna dump me (I can't believe she's even dating me), it be nice to see some effort put into it. Like, she could invite me to the beach and then have one of those planes with the signs fly by, and the sign would read: "You're history, loser!" Talk about an A for effort.

"If . . . "

If you name your band Shark Attack, one, that's an awesome name, and, two, your first album should be called "Blood is in the Water."