"An Afterthought"

If you’re a criminal dude and some other criminal dude cuts your finger off, hopefully it’s not the one with your wedding ring on it -- by the way, you’re married in this scenario -- because your wife, even though she probably feels sorry for you about the whole getting-your-finger-cut-off thing, might be pissed that you lost your wedding ring.

"A Thought"

I'm worthless and no good.

"My Best Idea Yet"

I'd like to see a sign on a door in a restaurant or a store that says: "For Non-Emergency Use Only."

"Mary Cee"

"Philosophy of Farful"

I wish I had all the answers; I don’t. I really have very few. The best life advice I ever heard someone give was this woman who was dying of aids. She said, “I’m trying the best I can to do the best I can.” It doesn’t get much realer than that.