"A Little Comic Relief from Janitor 1"

After janitor turns down his old commanding officer's request to save the school, the janitor is in his room playing "Jaws" on Nintendo. Phone rings. Janitor answers: "Pizza Time." "Come on, man. Just do it." his old CO says from his military-styled study. "What time is it?" the janitor asks. CO looks at the digital clock on his desk. "3:37 p.m." The janitor looks over at an unopened "Make-Your-Own Sun Dial" kit, and sighs. "Alright, I'm in."

"January 24th, 2010"

Sunday. 6:07 p.m. Burger King.

Eating, plotting my next move. It's nice to know that death is so near, comforting that I'm just another statistic.

"Why I Wasn't In Apocalypse Now"

"The Really, *Really* Strange Side of Farful"

"The Sensitive Side of Farful"

"Medically Speaking"

I suffer from a rare disease where my socks always feel too tight: tightsockitis.

"FAT BLACK CAT"

"Fort Lauderdale"